The Gift of Midlife: A Time to Reclaim Your True Self

Midlife gets a bad rap as a time of crisis. But it has many gifts to offer - including the opportunity to reclaim your true self. Read on to learn more…

Some people think of “midlife” and “crisis” as an inescapable duo —a point in your life where everything you’ve worked for starts to crumble like a poorly constructed Ikea bookshelf.

But I’d argue midlife isn’t a crisis at all. It’s more like a long-overdue software update for your soul.

Midlife isn’t about falling apart. It’s about coming together—finally aligning with who you truly are and reclaiming the parts of yourself that got lost along the way.

Carl Jung had it right when he said, “Life really does begin at 40. Up until then, you are just doing research.”

Think about it: the first 40 years are like a giant science experiment. You’re collecting data, testing hypotheses, and figuring out which ideas stick.

• What do you want in life?

• Who are you trying to be?

The problem: In your youth, most of those answers come from external sources.

Parents, teachers, society - all of them are constantly handing you a script for how to live. And you, like a diligent actor, do your best to perform the various recommended roles.

As a young adult, you're like a shopper trying on countless outfits, unsure what works best for you.

You dabble in choices.

And while you learn a lot, you're merely sketching out ideas for the blueprint for your life.

By the time you hit 40, something shifts.

You realize you’ve been designing a life that doesn’t quite fit you.

• This is when you stop asking, “What do people want me to do?”

• And you start asking, “What do I want to do?”

Some people call this a “midlife crisis.”

But Brené Brown, ever the reframer, calls it an “unraveling.”

Brené Brown says, “The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.”

Yes, unraveling can feel messy. It forces you to question every role, every decision, every label you’ve taken on.

But if you lean into it, this unraveling can be transformative.

You shed who you think you're supposed to be… to make space for who you truly are.

Let me pause here to acknowledge the discomfort.

This time in your life isn’t easy.

• You’ll lose old friendships.

• You’ll question long-held dreams.

• You’ll look in the mirror and wonder who’s staring back.

But here’s the thing: discomfort is where growth lives.

Facing your fears—of judgment, of failure, of rejection—leads to strength and heightened self-awareness.

So this "midlife crisis"? It's less about losing your sanity… and more about discovering your truth.

The Science of Midlife

Let's dive into some neuroscience—specifically, what happens to your brain after you hit 40.

It turns out, your brain's emotional circuits undergo a major overhaul during midlife.

They start to work together more efficiently, improving your ability to manage stress and enhancing your capacity for reflection over reaction.

Why does this matter in midlife?

Because it gives you the tools to sift through the clutter of your early years and refocus on what truly matters.

You become less impulsive, more intentional.

Meaning? As your brains matures, so does your drive for purpose over praise.

You shift from chasing gold stars to seeking deeper fulfillment.

This shift in brain function aligns perfectly with what Viktor Frankl called “the will to meaning."

And so midlife isn’t merely an age marker—it’s a profound emotional, mental and core value upgrader.

• It shows you the benefits of seeking purpose over applause.

And that’s where the magic happens.

You realize you're not here to fulfill someone else's life plan. You're here to live authentically, embracing your own life plan.

Midlife marks a pivotal point for self-acceptance.

This is the gift of midlife.

• It’s not about falling apart. It’s about coming together.

You’re no longer merely researching life. You’re crafting a life with the insights you’ve gathered.

Sure, midlife comes with its share of growing pains. But those pains are proof that you’re growing.

This reminds me of a quote from Carl Jung: “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

Yep, that’s the crux of midlife.

However, although it can be terrifying… it’s also liberating.

So, if you’re in the thick of midlife, remember this:

On the other side of this transformation will be a life that feels like it was made for you.

And that’s the ultimate gift of midlife.