The Lost Art Of Active Listening

In our busy, buzzing world, actively listening to each other has become a lost art - that needs to be found again. Read on…

You're at a party, the kind where everyone's trying to out-funny each other, and it's like you're all playing hot potato with anecdotes.

Then, you find yourself sitting next to someone who's telling you about their day.

And suddenly, it's not about scoring points anymore.

You're listening - actively listening.

It feels like you've both stepped out of the party and into this quiet little bubble - where this person’s words matter - far more than the punchline you were polishing in your head.

Suddenly, there's a bending of heads, the meeting of eyes. It becomes a tender choreography - this dance of dialogue - where you’re not stepping on toes - but gliding - waltzing with words.

When you listen like this, really give yourself over to the sound of someone else's voice, their words bloom. They sense the space you're holding open for them - and so they feel safe to let their sentences unfurl, stretch out, relax into the sunlight of your attention.

When you actively listen like this -  you're not just hearing words. You're hearing what's between them. Hopes dressed up as jokes. Fears masquerading as anecdotes.

It's a bit like being a detective, only what you're solving isn't a crime - but the mystery of another human being.

And isn't that something?

You start to wonder: Maybe this is what it's all about - finding these moments of genuine connection in the din of daily life. Maybe amid the endless chase for what's next - the true prize is the pause - the quiet space where we allow ourselves to truly see - and be seen.

Actively listening like this feels as if you’ve found that one book on your shelf that you forgot you loved. It's not flashy on the outside. But open it up, and it's full of notes you wrote in the margins, reminders of how you felt at another time in your life.

This person talking, they're your margin notes.

They are telling you things you didn't know you needed to hear - until you heard them.

It's an art, this kind of active listening.

And it's a kind of love, too.

It’s saying, “Your words aren’t just passing through. They’re taking root.”

And in a world that constantly feels like it's spinning too fast for us to get a good look at each other, listening actively to someone is no small thing. It's revolutionary.

To listen - truly, madly, deeply - is to engage in a kind of quiet rebellion against the modern rush.

It's your silent war cry, saying: “Here I am, bucking the trend, turning my full beam of focus onto you - you fascinating, narrative-spinning creature, you.”

And in a way that’s both impossibly simple for some - and simply impossible for many.

Active listening is thereby a gift, not of time, but of spirit.

To listen — really actively listen — is to say, "I have nowhere else to be - but here - with you."

So, the next time you find yourself in the midst of a noisy party, remember the beauty of finding a quiet bubble with someone.

I encourage you to find that special someone, with whom you can sit, and actively listen to- not just with your ears - but with your hearts.

Dive into each other’s stories, and perhaps, in doing so, you will rediscover parts of yourselves you didn't realize were lost.

How to Engage In The Art of Active Listening

• Be There, Fully: Imagine there's nowhere else in the world you'd rather be than here, listening to this person. Your phone? Forget it exists. Put it on pause. This is your mini-vacation to the land of "right now."

• Hold Your Replies: We're often so busy rehearsing our next line that we miss the play. Try this: listen as if you'll be tested on it later, with the prize being a deeper connection, not a perfect rebuttal.

• Dive Deeper with Curiosity: Listening isn't just about catching words. It's about fishing for feelings, for the unspoken. Ask questions as if you're uncovering a mystery where every clue counts.

• Let Silence Have Its Say: Don't rush to fill every pause. Silence can be golden, a pause for thought, a breath for emotions. It's the white space that lets the story breathe.

• Take It With You: After the conversation, let it linger like the aftertaste of a fine wine. Reflect on what you've learned, not just about them, but about yourself, too.

P.S. I’m sharing about the art of active listening, because I believe that deep connections with others is what a truly fulfilling life is all about. And so I enthusiastically share more on this topic in my “mortality awareness” book.