How To Speak Up for Yourself in Any Situation

Let's face it, speaking up for yourself can feel like walking a tightrope over a pit of "What ifs?" We're often conditioned to play it safe, to avoid rocking the boat.

As a result, it's easy to end up with a metaphorical sign on our back that reads, "Doormat: Please Wipe Feet Here."

If you relate, you’re not alone.

Many of us struggle with speaking up for ourselves. We fear conflict, dread being labeled difficult, and worry about the pushback that happens when we try to set boundaries.

Unfortunately, muting your self-expression can lead to chronic unhappiness, a sense of lost identity, and simmering resentments.

Yes, the paradox is cruel.

In your quest to keep the peace, you can wind up waging a silent war within yourself.

I delve into this more - in my many personal development programs.

But for now - I just want you to keep the following in mind.

Assertiveness is not just a skill.

It is a stance towards life.

Choosing to be assertive is an affirmation of your self worth.

As a result, the more you speak up for yourself, the more you will invite deeper respect and enjoy more authentic connections.

Unfortunately, embracing assertiveness often gets as much bad press as pineapple on pizza.

It can be seen as bossy or rude.

But that’s only if you’re expressing yourself from a place of rage, fear and wounds.

When you embrace assertiveness from a confident inner place, it’s about being classy and self loving.

It’s about not letting others bulldoze over your flower garden of self-respect.

Why You Might Be Afraid To Speak Up.

People-pleasing often starts as a survival strategy.

Maybe you can relate to one or all of the following…

1. Childhood Lessons: Were you rewarded for silence and punished for speaking out? This could have set the stage for a life of muted self-expression.

2. Cultural Scripts: Some cultures promote philosophies that encourage staying quiet.

3. Groups, Cliques and The Social Boogeyman: Our ingrained need to belong to a group, community or clique can sometimes overshadow our own individual needs.

Basically, if you’re having trouble speaking up for yourself, somewhere along the line you wound up learning that silence equals safety - and agreement equals acceptance.

No worries - below are some pointers to motivate you to start speaking up for yourself more confidently - and more often.

How To Speak Up For Yourself

I’ve broken up the following helpful assertiveness tips into 2 parts.

• The first part is about changing how you talk to yourself.

• The second part is about how you talk to others.

Part 1: Improve How You Talk To Yourself

This involves:

• Affirm Your Worth: Start by reminding yourself that your opinions and needs are valid and deserve airtime. And when you mute yourself, you’re unfortunately teaching others that it's okay to ignore your feelings and needs.

• Journal About Your Feelings, Opinions and Needs: Write down what is important to you - how you feel about past challenging events - and what you want to happen in the future.

• Embrace the Awkward: Growth comes bundled with discomfort. Speaking up might initially feel like wearing a sweater that's too tight, but it's a necessary step.

• Be Kind to Yourself: Mistakes are part of the journey. Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a friend.

• Prepare for Pushback: Arm yourself in advance with responses you can use with challenging people, so you’re always ready to protect yourself.

Part 2: Improve How You Talk To Others

This involves:

• Recognize Manipulation: Be aware of the tactics used by narcissists and toxic people to undermine your perception of reality. If someone is making you question your feelings or sanity, be vigilant about recognizing their unsavory tactics. Trust in your experiences and feelings.

• Stay Grounded: Mindfully choose to stay calm and confident - even if the other person goes into fully drama-queen or drama-king mode. Express yourself clearly - using "I" statements. Trust your feelings, opinions and needs.

• State Your Chosen Boundaries: State your limits clearly and repeatedly. Your boundaries are not up for debate. They are declarations of your self-respect. Setting boundaries is like declaring, "This is my personal space. Trespassers will be given a stern talking-to."

• Disengage When Needed: Sometimes the best response is to disengage. This is not a sign of weakness but a strategic choice to avoid unnecessary conflict and protect your mental health.

When you begin to stand up for yourself, you may encounter resistance. 

During these times, remember:

• Their discomfort often means that you're on the right track. If someone is offended by your assertiveness, it may be a sign that they've benefited from your previous lack of boundaries.

• Stay true to your path: Remain focused on your journey to assertiveness. The offense of toxic people often means you are doing something right for yourself.

• Self-Care is Crucial: Dealing with pushback can be emotionally draining. Engage in self-care practices to recharge and maintain your resilience.

Recap: Speak Up For Yourself

Speaking up for yourself is a fundamental right and a necessary skill for mental health and personal growth.

If you're ready to delve deeper into the journey of assertiveness, resilience, and personal growth, consider exploring my online courses.

• The Broken Heart Recovery Course is your emotional first aid kit for a broken heart.

• And my Secrets of Happy Couples Course is like couple's therapy but in the privacy of your home.